You Thought Wrong, Bitch, Not Today

There’s no real way to describe the fight
That ends up killing you–it takes so many nights
To build and wear and tear you down
To smack your face and steal your crown.
To show you how naive you’d been
Believin your power went past your whim…

Life doesn’t let you see it come, though–
Amused with you, she’ll take it slow,
And right when your smile couldn’t get wider,
Right when that high just couldn’t get higher?
She has a way of passing peaks
To slap you full on both your cheeks.

“You thought it’d go like this,” she say.
“You thought wrong, bitch, not today.
I got a bigger plan in mind,
You’re not in it–get left behind.”

I can’t complain. She speaks the truth.
We all embrace a boastful youth,
But in the end we all must learn,
When one man wins, another burns–
That’s simple yin/yang in this land.

Ah, but wouldn’t winning be so grand?

Feb

Diary

The days remain.
I,
Still the same.
Dust. Rain. Growth.

The sun?
It rose.
Still got ten toes…
Sweat harmonizing breath.

The time will fly,
As life goes by–

Final pages patient.

Feb 28
11:53pm

My Song

Feet stomping
Legs pumping
Heart thumping
Brain throbbing
Head down
To the ground
Wish I had a place to go
A little place to call my own
Sad 
Mad 
Brave
No, afraid
Is this the end life has made?
Not looking both ways on the street
Don’t care if my end will make its meet
Someone asks me “What’s wrong?”
I add this question to my song
“Nothing” I grumbled
As I tried to hide a mumble,
“Nothing that you’d understand…”
My heart feels squeezed into a band
I feel like I’m all out of shape
What’d I do for heavens sake?
As I finish up this thought
My mind turns back to my walk
With my
Arms flailing
Hair blowing
Lips smacking
Body stops
Mind pops
Can’t I think of something else?
Can’t stop feeling sorry for myself.
Pissed 
Hurt
Fixed
No, broke
Feeling like an old folk
Crying, trying, to see the end
Sighing, dying, for a friend
Life is slipping down a hole
Is it true all have a soul? 
Can one person hold this hate?
Join the others in this ghastly state–
Witness those who have lost their lives
The innocent husband, children, and wives–
And still praying tonight, when I lay down
I will fall through my bed and never be found

2006

Pay Attention!

man of nothing
man of despair
have you any dignity
do you not care

the ones you step on
you will need one day
the mother of your child
will run away

can you make her smile
oh that isn’t your style
can you see the pain you’re causing
can you see the hurt

better pay attention
or you’ll be in the dirt

living free now
but
for how long
not being a father
not being at home

home is where the love is
home is where it stays
home is something you won’t have
if you keep doing things your way

live and learn they say
have you learned yet
treat a good woman
with very much respect
she will do anything
if you give her the chance

listen with your ears
listen real close
those who can’t hear the real woman
suffers most

Trina
1972-2015

(When You’re Cold Inside)

Sometimes it’s best
(When you’re cold inside)
To allow the vastness to settle in
And around.
When you turn off the sounds
And do not distract,
It becomes hard to not
Notice the best things in life
Such as when the sun
Seeps through the window and
Warms your arm.

Feb 7
5:12pm